then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They have beer where we have blood.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
