4 words: hood of his car
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
