i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
