Don't you send me to vm
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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