Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
