Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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