So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
