highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
