My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
