i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
