I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
