How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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