Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
