I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my poor anus
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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