everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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