it wasn't lemon gatorade
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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