My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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