if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
