she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
