upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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