Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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