watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your cock deserves a montage
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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