You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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