I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
