I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
