Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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