Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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