1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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