Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
