I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
