I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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