i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
