Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
