So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
the liver wants what the liver wants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
