Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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