i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
