Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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