You work out of a Hotel?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
