i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
