There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
