Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
