Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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