So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
