My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
