I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
