Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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