: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
