dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
