I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
