I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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